(I picked this photo that I took in Bodi, CA because I love the beautiful white door knob and that this door has two key holes. No idea why that is, but I like it.)
Oh the utter pain of this post! Can I just say that my mind has been reeling ever since I saw assignment number 4.
Why did you start this journey? What do you hope to accomplish? Was there an inciting incident in your life that made you feel like you had to write?
I began this journey for several reasons. The first of which was to make myself do something from start to finish. Now I am not going to say that I am an absolute slacker, but I am someone who has allowed herself the luxury of wimping out. Dropping too soon has led me to negative results that impacted me on the inside and the outside.
Inward Results (for me anyway):
1 – I feel bad about myself. I start to look at myself in a negative light. I engage in negative self talk.
2 – Fear begins to take residence in my thought processes and my heart.
3 – I measure myself based on performance rather than God’s truth.
4 – I have a feeling of emptiness.
1 – I take on fewer challenges because I don’t want to bother engaging in something I feel I will fail at.
2 – I give up even more quickly when I do decide to take on a challenge, because “Why not? I couldn’t finish the other things I’ve tried.”
3 – I stop seeking support in my goals because I don’t want to let people down.
4 – I miss out on realizing my dreams.
With this blog and this challenge:
1- I am holding myself accountable.
2 – I am seeking support.
3 – I am NOT giving up.
In doing this, my hope is to knock down a wall of defeat and build a bridge to hope and a great big yes (I know that is a bit of a corny picture but it is true). If this first step works out, and I will fight tooth and nail to make it work out, my hope is to make more steps away from fear and toward every place and plan that has been in my heart, but stepped back into the shadows because of little encouragement and a lot of discouragement.
If you want to know a little more you can read on here…
The biggest heart cry I have is the cry to write.
For as long as I can remember, I have been enchanted with story. My mom would read to me before bedtime every night until one night she was just not feeling well enough. I don’t know if she didn’t want to make me ill or what, but I remember not having a story time so I decided to make up my own. I told myself stories every night even after my own story time with mom was done. I wrote stories with child-like hieroglyphics until I could write words. When I could write words, my dad would bring home scrap pages from order forms at work. I would fill them with stories.
Writing and story telling was everything to me. When my world was in chaos, I wrote a story to provide my calm. When I felt sad I immersed myself into the story of a girl surrounded by love and laughter. When there was nothing good to read, I wrote what I liked. Eventually writing through life stepped in. I kept a diary in a cute little book at age 9 and then quickly requested a bigger book the next year, because one page in a little puffy pink diary was not enough. As the years went by I wrote to understand my life in the midst of my brother’s drug addiction, my parents’ divorce, my anorexia and my miscarriage to name a few.
I write because it helps me process. I write because it fulfills me in a way that nothing else ever has.
How about you? What is your passion? What makes you tick? Do you blog? Why?